


all i want for christmas is you

by aislingdoheanta



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Eventual Romance, Holidays, Jealousy, M/M, jealous aaron dingle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 15:23:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17082854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aislingdoheanta/pseuds/aislingdoheanta
Summary: Robert has a new boyfriend and Aaron handles it the best he can. Mostly by avoiding Robert and pretending that he’s not actually in love with Robert. If every romantic comedy is to go by, there’s no way this could possibly go wrong.





	all i want for christmas is you

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the [Robron Christmas Calendar.](https://robronchristmas2018.tumblr.com/) It was originally published on [16 Dec 2018.](https://robronchristmas2018.tumblr.com/post/181164654541/robron-christmas-calendar-2018-december-16th-2018%22)
> 
> I worked with the amazing [aaronsugdenhawley](https://aaronsugdenhawley.tumblr.com/) who, not only created [this amazing moodboard,](https://aaronsugdenhawley.tumblr.com/post/181164856544/robronchristmas2018-robron-christmas-calendar) but also helped me come up with the idea for the fic itself! It was incredibly fun and I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> I love this fandom and have had so much fun in it. I can't wait to keep writing for them in the new year! Find me on [tumblr](http://saras-almanac.tumblr.com/) if you want!

Aaron sat at the bar, glaring over at Robert and his new bloke. They were sitting there, right at the same table with Vic and Adam, and it was  _killing_ Aaron. Technically Robert was allowed to date people, but not right in front of him. True, Aaron hadn’t exactly  _told_ Robert of his feelings, but he hadn’t really been subtle either.

And now all he could do was sit there at the bar and watch as his two best friends have a double date right in front of him. Both of them were traitors. Nevermind that both Adam and Robert had invited Aaron to sit with them—which he politely declined because he was keeping his mum company at the bar. It had nothing to do with Aaron not wanting to sit there and make small talk with Robert’s  _boyfriend_. It was all to do with his mum; it’d have been rude to abandon her.

_What are they talking about?_  Aaron was desperate to know. It looked like they were having a good time. Robert had his arm around his boyfriend’s chair and Aaron couldn’t help but think about how many times Robert had done that to him. Aaron had always thought that maybe it meant Robert felt something similar, but now, seeing it happen with someone else, just proved it had been wishful thinking on Aaron’s part.

Robert laughed at something and Aaron felt his stomach clench at the sight. Robert had a really great laugh. It lit up his face and it was infectious, especially because he laughed so rarely. He was always serious, except when he was with Aaron. And now this New Man. Aaron hated him a little.

“What’s the problem with him?” his mum asked as she handed him another pint.

“Who?”

“Robert’s bloke,” Chas said. “You’ve been glaring at them for a while now. Must be something wrong with him.”

“I don’t know. I didn’t meet him,” Aaron admitted.

“Robert didn’t introduce you? I thought you were close mates and all?”

“We are,” Aaron said, gripping the glass in front of him. “It just hasn’t happened yet. It’s no big deal.” Robert had tried to introduce Aaron to him, but Aaron had made up some excuse about picking up some scrap that he wasn’t even sure if Robert bought.

“From the looks of it, he might be sticking around a while,” Chas said.

Aaron didn’t respond. What he wanted to do was scare the man off Robert so he could get his friend and potential love of his life—if you wanted to get soppy about it—get him back. And then maybe he’d be able to tell Robert how he feels, how he’s been feeling. And then Robert would be shocked but then he’d smile that blinding smile that just made you feel like you were the only person in the world with him. He’d shake his head, call him daft, and tell him that, Of course he was in love with Aaron too, wasn’t it obvious. And then he’d—

Aaron took a massive gulp of his beer. This was getting ridiculous. He was  _not_ some love-sick school girl. It was just a passing fancy. That’s all. He just hadn’t been out with anyone else in a while. He just needed to find someone to take his mind off Robert, to remind himself that Robert was his friend and not a potential partner or boyfriend or whatever.  _But you want him to be._

Suddenly he could hear the conversation between the four of them as if Aaron was sitting right next to them.

“You should come too!” Vic was saying to Robert’s boyfriend. Maybe he name was James or Kyle or something else equally stupid.

“Oh,” Robert said, shaking his head a bit. “I’m sure Wes has his own family plans. Don’t make him feel guilty for that.”

_Wes? He’s not even trying to be cool._ Robert shouldn’t be stuck with a Wes. He needed someone better, someone more interesting… someone like himself.

Wes reached down and Aaron could see him place his hand on Robert’s thigh. “As it happens, my parents are doing their own holiday this year, so I happen to be free.”

“Really?” Robert and Vic said at the same time.

“If the offer still stands…”  _Wes_ trailed off.

“Of course it does!” Vic said. “There’s plenty of room at ours and it’ll be so nice to have a family holiday.”

“Don’t feel like you have to come,” Robert said to Wes.

Wes smiled at Robert. “I want to.”

“Perfect!” Vic said with a clap of her hands. “I’ll make sure Diane knows to add one more for Christmas dinner.”

Aaron wanted to throw up. He wanted to throw his glass against the wall. He wanted to shout that Robert was  _his_  and that if anyone was going to the Sugden family Christmas dinner it was going to be him, the man who’d known them for way longer, who’s best friends with most of them anyway. And this man, this _Wes_ just swans in here as if he has a right to that.

It wasn’t fair.

“You all right, love?” Chas asked. “You’re looking a bit pale suddenly.”

Aaron cleared his throat. “Yeah, actually I’m feeling a bit sick all of a sudden. I might go and get some air. Head up to bed after that.”

“Yeah, probably will help.”

“Are you okay if I leave ya?” Aaron asked her.

“Aaron,” Chas chided gently. “I’ve been running this pub for years. I think I can handle it without your stellar conversation for an evening.”

“Thanks for that,” Aaron said, pulling his jacked on.

“Feel better.” Chas was called away to get another drink for Jimmy or Rhodney or someone else at that end of the bar that Aaron had barely noticed was there.

Aaron caught Adam’s eye as he turned to leave and tried to make a hasty exit. He didn’t want to get caught up in their little dinner. Of course, Fate had decided differently. Because Robert glanced behind him and locked eyes with Aaron and he had to force himself to look down and focus on actually putting his feet on the ground to get out of there.

“Aaron!” Robert actually sounded surprised, like he hadn’t noticed him sitting at the bar all night. “I want you to meet—Aaron?”

It was childish, but he bolted out of the pub and pretended he didn’t hear Robert at all.

* * *

Adam found him at the scrapyard the next morning, already sweating and covered in oil. He’d barely slept and decided to get an early start. Not to mention there was a car that needed tearing apart and it was exactly what Aaron wanted to do.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Robert with  _Wes_ and it was killing him. And making him ill. And he knew he was being an awful person, an awful friend because Robert would be supportive of him if he was dating someone. He had been when Aaron went on a few dates with Alex, the doctor that his mum had practically forced on him. Robert had thought it was great that Aaron had found someone who seemed to care about him. Robert hadn’t been destroying cars and almost-but-not-really-crying himself to sleep after hearing Aaron and Alex making plans for a date.

But Aaron was.

He wanted to be supportive of Robert because he knew this was a big step for him—to be out and open about a relationship with a man. He knew, maybe more than other people, how long it took for Rob to accept himself and actually put himself out there. There was just always a part of himself that thought that Robert would want  _him_  when he actually admitted it, when he actually let himself be open about it.

Aaron knew it wasn’t fair to put that kind of pressure on someone, but he couldn’t help the hurt he felt at it. All right, and the jealousy he felt because of it.

“What that car ever do to ya?” Adam asked as he sauntered over to him.

“Nothing. Just doing my job.”

“And your job is pulling that car apart with your bare hands now?” Adam asked.

“Since I run a scrap company, yeah.” Aaron yanked on a piece from the engine but it wasn’t budging.

“And this has nothing to do with Robert’s boyfriend?”

“Course not.” But Aaron hesitated for a few seconds too long.

“I saw you last night,” Adam said. “You couldn’t stop staring at Robert. Glaring at Wesley. You’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” Aaron argued. God, his full name was  _Wesley_? That was much worse.

“I’d probably be too if the man I was in love with started a new relationship,” Adam said.

“It’s not a relationship,” Aaron defended immediately. “Rob doesn’t do relationships. It’s just a fling.”

“And a fling would be invited to a big family Christmas?” Adam asked because he was a jerk.

“He could hardly say no, could he?” Aaron said, desperately hoping that Adam would agree with him. “I mean, Vic put them both on the spot. Neither of them had much choice.”

Adam didn’t say anything.

“Why did he say something to you?” Aaron demanded.

“Not to me really,” Adam said. “But Vic’s told me that they’ve been talking and seeing each other for a few weeks now.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Aaron said, feeling his world spinning in on himself. “It can’t be serious. Not yet. Robert’s probably barely told him anything about his life, his past.”  _Not like he’s told me._

“Well, yeah. But Rob’s secretive. And it’s not like you’re going to just tell someone everything on the first date, are ya?” Adam said.

Aaron looked down at the engine.

“Of course, if  _you_  were the one who wanted to be dating Robert, then this might be a whole other issue,” Adam said. “Because then we’d have to be talking about how you’ve had months, years even, to tell him how you feel and you chicken out every time.”

“I don’t chicken out,” Aaron defended. “I don’t even really know how I feel about him.”  _Liar._

“Right, so you’re totally fine that he’s dating some other bloke right now?”

“He’s a free man.” Aaron started walking away from the car. “He can do whatever he wants.”

“See you say that, but I hear, ‘Robert can do whatever he wants so long as it’s me.’”

“That’s ridiculous,” Aaron said.

Adam blocked his path to keep him from leaving. “You’re allowed to feel that way, mate, you are. God knows why, but you can want to be with Robert. But you can’t throw a tantrum because he’s dating someone when you haven’t even told him how you feel.”

“I’m not talking about this anymore,” Aaron said and pushed passed Adam to head back to the pub. He’d already done enough work this morning and he really didn’t want to be there when—and if—Robert turned up for work today.

* * *

As much as Aaron had wanted to avoid Robert, he couldn’t avoid him forever. For one thing, they lived in a tiny village. For another, they worked in the same scrapyard, in the same small porta-cabin.

“There you are,” Robert said, shaking off his coat from the light dusting of snow on it. “Been wondering where you’ve been.”

“What?” Aaron asked, slouching further down in his chair.

“You haven’t been around in a while,” Robert said, taking off his coat. He pulled on a thick cardigan—the one that he always keeps in the office in the winter so he has something warm to wear that’s not covered in snow or rain—and somehow Aaron’s heart just melted at the image. Robert had no right to be as attractive as he was when he dressed like an old man who sits outside at night to yell at kids who get too close to the bins. It’s unfair.

“Aaron?” Robert asked, staring at him with a frown on his face. “Are you all right? You look a bit off, if I’m honest.”

“Uh, cheers,” Aaron said, trying to refocus on the fact that Robert had actually been talking to him but he’d completely tuned him out to think about how fit he is. This was pathetic and ridiculous and just plain sad now.

“Sorry,” Robert said. “But you can’t blame a guy for worrying. I mean, I’ve barely seen you in ages and then when I try to talk to you, you completely zone out.”

Aaron didn’t say anything, just reached out and picked up a file to look busy. “I’ve just been busy with scarp runs, you know how it is.”

“Yeah, I do. I’m a partner, remember?” Robert said.

“Like you’d ever let me forget that,” Aaron shot back. They glanced at each other and laughed a little. It felt like old times, the way it had been before fucking  _Wes_ showed up and ruined everything. Before him, Aaron could just ignore his desire for Robert. Well, not ignore but just push down and act like it’s completely normal to sometimes fantasize about your mate fucking you over the desk you’re currently sitting at.

Now, with him in the picture and in Robert’s life, Aaron has to actually  _think_ about what this all means. More than that, he has to  _accept_  what it all means: He’s slightly, or not so slightly, desperately in love and lust with Robert Sugden.

Either way, things are messed up. Robert’s with someone else so if Aaron told him now, Robert would have to choose and then when he chose Wes, it would mean Aaron would lose one of his best friends. If Aaron told Robert what he was feeling, he’d have to actually admit that he wanted a relationship with Robert. Or he’d have to say he just wanted a quick shag. Or worse, Robert might actually be into Aaron and then what? They date? Become boyfriends? Partners? What then? All scenarios end with their friendship ruined because there’s no way whatever situation they arrive at is going to end well. They’re both barely functioning disasters, so the only way for them to go is wrong.

Aaron was doing perfectly fine acting as though nothing was wrong and then Wes waltzed into the Woolpack, Robert’s hand on his back and they’d had a cozy little date by the fireplace and Aaron’s entire world crumbled. Until that moment, there had still been a part of him that thought  _maybe_  him and Robert are meant to give this a shot, but fate was just waiting for the right opening. If Aaron was honest, he was waiting for Robert—cocky, arrogant, “I think everyone’s interested in me” Robert Sugden—to make the first move.

He had, but just not with Aaron. And it hurt, even if Aaron didn’t really have a right to be upset.

“Seriously though,” Robert pressed, walking over to put the kettle on. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Why?”

“Well, for starters, you’re reading a file that holds all the warranties for the office equipment,” Robert pointed out.

“Just trying to figure out how to work that printer thing you bought,” Aaron said.

“And reading it upside down is the best way to go about it?” Robert asked.

Aaron frowned and immediately looked down and saw that, annoyingly, Robert was right. “How’d you know it was upside down?”

“I can see the label on the front of the folder,” Robert said.

“Well good on you,” Aaron said, just barely able to stop himself from throwing said file across the room. “Want me to get you a trophy?”

“Sort of,” Robert said. “You think they’ll make one to my specific skill set?”

“They’ll make one for something you are,” Aaron said.

“Go on then,” Robert said, getting their teas ready. “Tell me what’s bothering you. Chas on your case again?”

“No,” Aaron said immediately, then thought about using that as a way out of this conversation. “I mean, sort of.”

“What’s it now?” Robert asked, bringing Aaron’s tea over.

It was stupid, but the knowledge that Robert actually cared enough to remember the way he took his tea made him want to cry. It was such a small thing, something even Adam knew, but it was different with Robert. Why did it have to be different with Robert?

“Oh, ah. You know. The same old stuff. You should get out more. Put yourself out there. You’ll never find a man if you sit at home all the time,” Aaron said. He honestly had no idea if Chas had every really said all of that to him before, but it sounded like something mums might say.

“She’s probably just worried about you,” Robert said. “And you know she’s never happier than when she’s meddling in your life.”

“Don’t remind me,” Aaron said.

“Well, I’m going into town tonight if you want to get out of the village for a bit,” Robert suggested.

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed, feeling better already. “That sounds great.”

“There’s a gay bar that Wes has gone to that he said he really liked,” Robert continued. “So I said I’d give it a try.”

“Oh,” Aaron said, his good mood instantly deflating remember that Wes and Robert were a pair now. “I thought you didn’t do gay bars and that?”

Robert shrugged. “Not really my scene, no. But I’m trying to be better at, you know, being open and stuff. And Wes really liked it so I figured how bad could it be?”

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed.

“You know, I don’t think you’ve met Wes yet. I’ll text him to let him know you’re coming too,” Robert said. “I think you two will really hit it off.”

_Doubt it_. “Yeah.”

“He’s really great,” Robert said. “Not the type of guy I usually go for, but he’s nice. And—”

Aaron grabbed his phone and cursed. “I forgot about a pick-up.”

“Oh. I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Robert said. “Just give them a call or text and say you’re running late.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, pulling on his jacket. “You’re probably right.”

“Right. I’ll text you all the details later,” Robert said, settling down at his desk.

“Cheers,” Aaron said, already knowing that his fake scrap pick-up was going to take too much time and he wouldn’t be able to make it tonight.

“I’m really excited you’re coming,” Robert told him, just to make him feel simultaneously worse and better at the same time. “It’s been a while since we got to hang out.”

“Yeah.” Aaron swallowed around the lump in his throat. “It has.”

“Well, I’ll see ya later then,” Robert said, waving him out the door.

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed. “Later.”

* * *

Aaron was sitting in the back room of the pub, staring down at the cup of tea in front of him. He’d originally intended to sit at the pub, have a drink and some food with Adam, but Robert had been out there. With Wes. And Aaron just didn’t really want to deal with that.

Even though Robert hadn’t really talked to him about it, Aaron knew he was upset that Aaron didn’t make it out with them the other night. Aaron had lied and said the run took longer than he thought and just didn’t feel up to going out after getting home so late. Robert had sent back a simple text,  _Okay. Get some rest._

That was it. Robert usually gave him crap about missing things or being grumpy or whatever else Robert was hung up on. He’d sent paragraphs via text before. This was basically the cold shoulder in Robert’s world. You know, without actually giving the cold shoulder.

Aaron had been a coward yesterday and today trying his best to avoid Robert because he just didn’t know what to say. How can you apologize to your best friend for bailing and hating his boyfriend who you’ve never met because you’re jealous?

Aaron threw his head back, hitting the back of the chair. He just let his head rest there and wished that when he opened his eyes, he’d know what to do in this situation. Or that it’d magically be resolved. And that his head would stop hurting.

“You have a late night?” Adam asked, shutting the door behind him as he came in.

“What?” Aaron only tipped his head up slightly and opened his eyes.

“You look hungover or something,” Adam said.

“Well, I’m not,” Aaron said.

“So this is still about Robert then?” Adam asked.

Aaron didn’t say anything.

“You’re gonna have to talk to him sometime, mate,” Adam told him.

“I will,” Aaron said. “I’m just sorting things out right now.”

“Well you better figure it out soon,” Adam said. “I can’t stand Robert moping about our house any longer.”

“What’s that got to do with me?”

“You’re his best friend,” Adam said. “He’s worried he’s done something to upset ya.”

“He said that?”

“Not to me,” Adam said. “But I’ve heard him and Vic talking. He’s dead worried he’s messed things up with you.”

Aaron groaned. “It’s not his fault that I’m…”

“You’re what?” Adam asked. “In love with him?”

Aaron stayed quiet.

“Why not just tell him?” Adam said for the millionth time. “It can’t be any worse than both of you miserable.”

“I can’t make him choose,” Aaron said. “I can’t do that to him.”

“You telling him ya fancy him doesn’t have to be making him choose,” Adam said. “It can just be you telling him why you’ve been avoiding him.”

“No,” Aaron said.

“Why not?”

“Because it could ruin things, all right?” Aaron said. “No matter what, it’s going to ruin our friendship and I don’t want to lose him.”

“Aaron, mate, you’re not gonna lose him,” Adam said. “I mean, I’m pretty sure you’re his only friend apart from Vic.”

“Shut up,” Aaron said.

“But seriously,” Adam said. “You’re not gonna lose him. And you never know, he might fancy ya right back.”

“We’re not teenage girls,” Aaron said.

“Then stop acting like one,” Adam said. “And either tell him how you feel or get over it.”

“I’m trying,” Aaron said. “It’s just… not easy to get over years of built up feelings.”

“If it’s been that long, why didn’t ya say something sooner?” Adam asked. “No matter what might have happened, it’s got to be better than this.”

“I just didn’t all right?” Aaron snapped. “The timing… It just never worked out.”

“Aaron, you’re my mate and I love you, but you’re not exactly known for your subtlety,” Adam said. “So why—honestly—have you never said anything to him?”

Aaron sighted. “Part of me always expected him to. And before ya start, I know it’s not fair. But he’s Robert. He’s always flirting with everyone. He’s just so damn cocky all the time. I figured if there was something between us, then he’d feel it too and say something.”

“But maybe he never did because he didn’t think you were interested,” Adam said.

“This is Robert,” Aaron said.

“Yeah,” Adam agreed. “And maybe he was just as scared as you at ruining your friendship so he wasn’t going to risk it.”

Aaron shrugged.

“And he knows that you’re not always… comfortable being open with stuff. So maybe he didn’t want to do that to ya,” Adam suggested.

Aaron hadn’t ever thought about it like that. It was still highly unlikely that someone like Robert would even be interested in someone like him though.

“I’m just suggesting you maybe talk to him,” Adam said. “If not about this then about something because if I have to hear him fretting to Vic one more time about what it is he might have done to you, I might have to come over here and lock you both in a room myself.”

* * *

Adam’s words reverberated in Aaron’s brain for the next two days and he’d come to the conclusion: Adam was right. Aaron had to talk to Robert.

He didn’t just have to for Robert’s sake, he wanted to for his own. He missed Robert and he didn’t want this to be the thing that ruined their friendship either. But timing was still an issue. It’s not something Aaron could just blurt out while they’re all in the pub, or worse, when Wes is there. And despite what Adam kept hinting at, Aaron wasn’t about to have that conversation with Robert in the porta-cabin. He didn’t want Robert to feel trapped like he couldn’t leave until he finished talking. There was also the worry that someone might just walk in and this was not a conversation he really wanted people to overhear.

It was mortifying and Aaron’s stomach was in knots just thinking about it. He still hadn’t figured out exactly  _how_ to start the conversation. And he also didn’t really know what he was going to say. He just sort of hoped that it would all figure itself out without him having to really do anything at all.

He knew Robert was coming into the pub tonight to visit with Vic since she was stuck working, and Aaron figured he’d grab him for a chat tonight. No one else would be around so Aaron would pull Robert to the back room, explain to him what’s been going on with Aaron in some way he’d yet to figure out, and then everything would be fine.

Robert wouldn’t just abandon him for something as ridiculous as this. He was still mostly friends—or at least on good terms—with most of his exes. Even Chrissie, his almost fiancé or whatever they’d actually been, no longer hated him and would use him as a consultant for her company. So logically, Aaron knew that this wouldn’t be something that Robert let get in the way of them.

But knowing that didn’t make actually talking about it any easier.

Aaron had texted Robert earlier to assure himself that Robert was going to be at the pub. He suggested they grab a drink while Robert sits with Vic. It was casual, sort of spontaneous sounding. Nothing about their texts said,  _Hey, so I know I’ve been a bit strange lately but that’s because I may be slightly in love with you but really it’s not a big deal and I’ll get over it. Or maybe I won’t but we’ll never have to talk about it again and it’s all fine._

He took a deep breath before pushing himself through the bar to the pub. Robert was sat at the bar already, two pints in front of him, while he checked his phone.

Aaron could do this. It was going to be fine. They’d drink their beer and Aaron would say,  _Before we grab another pint, you mind if we have a quick word?_ And then Robert would make some quip about hoping he wasn’t in trouble and Aaron would roll his eyes but Robert would follow him to the back room.

It was all sorted. Aaron had a plan.

“This for me?” Aaron asked as he approached the bar. Robert nudged one of the drinks toward him.

“Wasn’t quite sure you’d turn up,” Robert said as Aaron sat down next to him.

“I texted ya, didn’t I?” Aaron said.

“Yeah, but you’ve been a bit… distracted lately,” Robert said.

Aaron took a drink as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say to that. “Just been lost in my head a bit.”

Robert looked concerned and moved closer. He even pitched his voice lower quieter. “You all right? You’re not in any trouble?”

Aaron shook his head. “No, course not. It’s nothing like that.”

“But it’s something,” Robert said.

“It’s actually nothing,” Aaron told him.

“If you’re worried about it, it’s obviously not nothing.” Robert took a drink. “So go on, spill it. We’ll talk it out and you’ll feel better.”

How is it that even when Aaron was desperately trying to figure out an opening to have this conversation, Robert gave him one? He’d had it all planned out, but this felt natural. It’s exactly what Aaron had wanted and it’s just like Robert to figure it out for him.

Aaron nodded and went for it. “If you were conflicted about how you felt about someone, what would you do?”

Robert frowned. “Like would I tell that person?”

Aaron nodded.

“I guess it would depend on my relationship with them,” Robert said. “If we were close, then yeah, I’d probably want to say something. I wouldn’t want to risk losing a friend.”

“Yeah, cause ya got so few of ‘em,” Aaron joked and things felt like old times again. As Robert laughed, he caught Aaron’s eyes and for just a second, Aaron thought about what might happen if he told Robert everything and Robert felt the same. They could still sit here, drinking beer, but Aaron would get to kiss him when he laughed or looked like that. He’d get to go home with him and wake up with him. He’d get to have  _every_ part of Robert, and that’s really what Aaron wanted.

“Rob, I—”

“Sorry I’m late.”

Aaron looked up as Wes walked up to Robert at the bar and reality washed over him like a bucket of ice.  _This_  was Robert’s actual boyfriend. He almost told Robert everything while he had a boyfriend. He was the worst.

“It’s okay,” Robert said. “We’re just getting started.”

Wes turned to look at him and Aaron’s tongue was like led in his mouth. He should reach out and greet this man, shake his hand, make a joke about how long it’s taken them to meet, but he couldn’t.

“Wes, this is Aaron. Aaron, Wes,” Robert said after a few more seconds of silence.

“Nice to finally meet the famous Aaron,” Wes said, grinning as he held out his hand.

Aaron reached out to shake it. “All right?”

“Can’t complain,” Wes said.

“Here I’ll get you a drink,” Robert offered, but Wes stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting myself something,” Wes said. “But it’s sweet of you to offer.”

Wes leaned down, having a couple inches on Robert as he sat on the bar stool, and kissed him, right there in the pub. In front of Aaron. And his heart stopped. He couldn’t look away, but he also didn’t really see anything.

“I’ll be right back,” Wes said, completely oblivious to the fact he’d basically just shattered Aaron’s entire world right now.

“Sorry,’ Robert said. “I know we were in the middle of something. What’s all this about then?”

Aaron pushed away from the bar. “I gotta go.”

“Aaron?”

Aaron didn’t say anything, the walls felt like they were closing in and he just had to get out of the pub, away from Robert, from Wes, from everyone.

“Aaron!”

He ignored it all, falling through the door and gulping in the cold air. This was pathetic, running outside and having something similar to a panic attack because his best friend’s boyfriend happened to turn up. Aaron just started walking, needing to put some space between himself and the pub.

Eventually, he found himself on the old footbridge. Aaron leaned against it, just breathing. So it hadn’t gone according to plan. It could always be worse. He could have just gotten the words, “Robert I think I’m in love with you” out when Wes walked in.

“What the hell was that about?”

Aaron clenched his jaw at the sound of Robert’s voice. He’d apparently spoken too soon. “I just needed some air.”

“And coming outside in the middle of December without a coat on is going to help ya, is it?” Robert asked.

Now that Robert mentioned it, he did feel a bit cold. But he wasn’t going to give Robert that satisfaction of being right. “Yeah. Maybe.”

“So are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Robert asked.

“Just go, Robert,” Aaron said. “I’m not up to talking right now.”

“That’s shame, because I am,” Robert said. “I’ve felt like a horrible friend these past couple weeks because I didn’t know why you were so upset. I thought maybe it was something I’d forgotten or done to ya that I didn’t know. I figured that’s why you were so upset with me and keeping your distance.”

Aaron didn’t say anything.

“But that’s not it, is it?” Robert asked. “You hate Wes. God knows why because you don’t know each other and have spent a grand total of three minutes together. And three minutes is pushing it. But somehow that doesn’t matter to you. You just decided to hate him for no reason. Nevermind the fact that he makes me happy. And as my friend I thought you wanted that for me too.”

Robert sighed. “So just tell me, why do you have a problem with Wes?”

“Because I’m in love you, ya idiot!” Well, that hadn’t been what Aaron had meant to say but it’s out there now. And there’s not really a great way to take something like back when you were already being a bit of a prick.

Robert’s mouth hung open as he stared at Aaron. “You… You what?”

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at the back of his neck. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?!” Robert hissed. “Aaron, you just said that you’re in love with me. I feel like that qualifies as being somewhat of a big deal.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Aaron said. “It’s my thing and I’m working on it. But it’s just hard when you’re there with him. But I swear I’m not saying this to mess things up for ya.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said. “I mean, hopefully I get over it sooner rather than later.”

“No,” Robert said, waving his hand. “How long have you… felt this way?”

“Oh.” Aaron felt his face heat up. “Um… I guess maybe something like six years?”

“Six years!”

“But like, not the whole time. Like off and on,” Aaron said.

“Off and on. For six years,” Robert said.

“Well, I think I kept trying to convince myself that I wasn’t feeling what I thought I was feeling,” Aaron said.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything before now?” Robert asked.

Aaron frowned. “Um, I think it was pretty obvious.”

“No, it absolutely was  _not_ ,” Robert said.

“Yeah, it was,” Aaron said. “Everyone practically knew.”

“I didn’t know,” Robert said. “And as I’m the other person this affects, I’m telling you that it wasn’t obvious at all.”

“Well, there ya go,” Aaron said.

“Apart for you thinking it was obvious when it wasn’t,” Robert said, “why else didn’t you ever say anything?”

“What?”

“There had to be something else,” Robert said.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” Aaron said.

“And you thought that I’d hate you for admitting that to me?” Robert asked. “I thought you knew me better than that.”

“Yeah, I do,” Aaron said. “And I know that if you ever felt anything you would have done something about it.”

“ _I_  would have done something,” Robert said. “You make it sound like I’d order a hit on you or something.”

“Not that,” Aaron said. “But like… a move. Ya know, a first move. And since you never did, I know it’s cause you don’t feel the same.”

“So you were waiting on me,” Robert said.

“I’m not that great at this stuff,” Aaron said.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” Robert said.

“But I promise ya, I’ll get over it,” Aaron said. “I just need time. I was gonna tell you that tonight. Why I’ve been distant. I promise, I just need time. I’ll get used to Wes and everything can go back to how it was.”

Robert just stood there and nodded.

The moment dragged on, neither of them saying anything and Aaron started worrying.

“Should I not have said anything?” Aaron asked.

“What?”

“Should I not have told you any of this?” Aaron said.

“No, course you should have,” Robert said.

He didn’t say anything after that and Aaron knew it was because Robert wished he hadn’t said anything.

“Why don’t you head back,” Aaron said. “I’m sure Wes and Vic are looking for ya.”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Are you okay?”

“Are we okay?” Aaron asked. “I mean, I know we’re not  _okay_  okay. But you think we will be again?”

“Aaron, you’re my best friend,” Robert told him. “Of course we’re okay.”

Aaron let out a shaky breath. “Okay. Good.”

Robert turned to leave. “You coming back?”

“I’m gonna stay out here a little while yet,” Aaron said quietly.

“Then take this.” Robert pulled off his coat and passed it to Aaron. “I’m not having you freeze to death.”

Aaron nodded and put it on. He always forgot how much bigger Robert was then him. Yeah, the arms were a little tight, but the sleeves fell to his fingers. And it smelled just like Robert. “Thanks.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Robert said.

“If you need some space, I get it,” Aaron said. “I promise I won’t be mad.”

“Don’t be daft. I don’t need space from you,” Robert said. “But I will be wanting my jacket back.”

Aaron nodded. “Night then.”

“Night, Aaron.”

Aaron watched him walk away and pulled the jacket tighter around himself.

* * *

Even though it hadn’t exactly gone the way he’d planned it, he did feel better having everything out in the open. Robert hadn’t sent him any angry messages and Vic and Diane weren’t glaring at him, so he knew that Robert wasn’t angry. Or at least, not angry enough to tell everyone else.

Obviously, things will take time to get back to normal. But Aaron knew that they could get there.

Robert had texted him that afternoon and asked him to bring his jacket to Vic’s that night for him. It was a strange request since Vic worked in the pub and could take it back with her whenever, but it was the least Aaron could do after dropping that whole I’m-in-love-with-you thing on him last night.

Aaron knocked on Vic’s door and felt a little nervous.

“Oh, Aaron!” Vic said happily.

“Hiya Vic,” Aaron said. “Is, uh, Robert here? He left his jacket last night and asked me to bring it to him.”

“Oh ya just missed him,” Vic said. “He said he needed to get something from the village hall, something Harriet had for him.”

“Oh. I could just leave it here,” Aaron said.

“Actually,” Vic said, pausing to look behind herself a bit. “I don’t see any other jacket missing. Would you mind running it to him? I’m not sure how long he’ll be and I’d hate for him to catch a cold the day before Christmas.”

Aaron furrowed his brow in confusion. “Oh, yeah. Sure. I guess.”

“Great! You’re a life-saver, Aaron!” Vic smiled at him and waved at him, nearly shutting the door in his face.

Aaron had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was going to happen. He was actually going to murder Robert if he walked in on his impromptu wedding with Wes. It’s one thing to be open with everything, but it’s another to actually have to witness it.

Robert wouldn’t do that to him.

He was so lost in his head that he very nearly missed the lit-up gazebo. There were fairy lights strung up inside it and it looked amazing. He thought the village holiday decorations were going all out this year, but then he saw Robert standing in the middle of it.

Aaron walked toward him, drawn in like a moth to a flame. When he got to the center, standing next to Robert, he awkwardly held out the jacket. “I’ve got your jacket.”

“Ah,” Robert said, grabbing it from him. “Thanks.”

“What’s all this for?” Aaron asked as Robert placed his jacket on the ground.

“You said you wanted me to make the first move.”

Aaron froze. “What?”

“I figured I’d go for over-the-top,” Robert said. “Just to make sure we didn’t get our signals crossed again.”

Nothing was making sense to Aaron. “Again?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “Again.”

“I don’t understand,” Aaron said quietly.

“I want to be with you,” Robert said. “And I want  _both_  of us to know that.”

“But Wes?”

“We broke up last night.”

“Robert,” Aaron said. “I didn’t tell you… you know, what I said so you’d break up with him.”

“I know,” Robert told him. “You kept saying things like, Give me time and I’ll get over it. But I don’t want you to get over it.”

“You don’t?”

“Well, I mean, I’d like you to get over me in a different, much more fun way,” Robert said, stepping closer.

“Shut up,” Aaron said, his face heating up.

“I’m serious though,” Robert said. “I want you. I want to go out with you and be your boyfriend or partner, whatever term you want.”

“You mean that?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “I’ve wanted this for a while. I just thought you weren’t interested. You always shut down any of my  _flirtatious banter_ , as you call it. So I assumed you weren’t interested in me.”

Aaron felt himself grinning and reached out to grab at Robert’s forearms just for something to hold onto. Robert’s hands landed on his waist and it was perfect.

“And then last night you told me that you had feelings for me and I just… couldn’t believe that we both had felt that way for years and both of us too scared of being rejected to do anything. So I figured, why not do a big gesture where there’s no way it’ll be misunderstood.” Robert gestured around at the gazebo.

“It’s amazing,” Aaron said. “But you didn’t have to do all this.”

“I wanted to,” Robert said. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Aaron.”

“Apart from yourself,” Aaron teased.

“Oi! I’m trying to be romantic here,” Robert complained.

“Sorry.”

“You know what,” Robert said. “Nevermind.”

Aaron’s hands tightened on Robert’s arms. “No, Rob, wait. I want this too. I’m sorry.”

“Not nevermind us,” Robert said. “Nevermind with this big soppy speech I had planned. I love you and you love me and we want to be together, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed. “But what about everything else?”

“We’ll worry about everything else later,” Robert said and pulled him closer.

“But—”

“Just shut up and kiss me, you idiot!”

Aaron grinned and pulled Robert in and kissed him. He’d thought of this moment, dreamt of it for years, and it wasn’t exactly the picture perfect rom-com kiss he’d expected. Aaron misjudged the distance between them and nearly tripped himself on Robert’s foot that hadn’t actually moved. And even though Robert was a fantastic kisser—easily the best Aaron had ever experienced—Aaron wasn’t entirely able to get out of his head that this was  _Robert_  he was kissing.

But even with that, it was still the best kiss he’d ever had.

They pulled away, just enough to take a couple breaths and both of them were smiling like idiots.

“I can’t believe you did all this for me,” Aaron said. “No one ever has before.”

“Well, you’re special,” Robert said. “And I wanted to do something that showed you that.”

“And this has nothing to do with you secretly liking rom-coms and the big romantic gesture at the end?”

“Forgive me for liking a bit of happiness,” Robert said.

“I love it,” Aaron told him.

“You should probably kiss me again then,” Robert said.

“I don’t know,” Aaron said. “Normally those films end with just the one kiss.”

“Well good thing I came prepared then.” Robert pointed up and Aaron saw that bit of mistletoe he’d hung.

“Cheat.”

“I’d do whatever it takes to get what I want,” Robert said.

“And what is it you want?”

“You know,” Robert said quietly.

“I know,” Aaron agreed. “I want that too.”

Robert smiled that smile again and Aaron was hopeless against it. He let go of Robert’s arms and threw his arms around his neck and kissed him again. If Robert wanted cliché rom-com stuff, he was going to follow suit. A little at least, for Robert. Though if Robert ever wanted to pick him up and manhandle him a little, Aaron wasn’t going to complain.

This kiss was better, less awkward and felt right, like they were always supposed to be doing that. They broke away and Aaron pressed his forehead on Robert’s shoulder, catching his breath.

“I’ll have to get you a better present now that we’re actually together,” Robert admitted.

“I already have the best gift,” Aaron said. “You.”

Robert squeezed him tightly and laughed. “Good thing I’m such a fan of those cheesy romantic comedies to swoon for such a line.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me,” Robert challenged, smirking down at him.

So Aaron did. He still couldn’t quite believe his luck that he gets to have this, have Robert, and he figured he’d probably not want to let him go for the next hour or two or fifty-four. Hopefully Robert didn’t have a problem with that either.

 


End file.
